So much for back to normal. On Friday I boarded the bus to Camp LoMia with around 30 youth and 5 leaders. About 10 minutes into the trip I received the following text (this may be graphic in nature): "Don't forget my GasEx." followed about two hours later by "I have the runs!!!! It just hit hard!" Having known Denise for 20 years, I guess I might be what you call an expert on the status of her bowels. Diarrhea for her occurs about as often as snow in Phoenix. I figured she must have eaten something that didn't agree with her. Upon our arrival i was greeted by two of the women leaders telling me that Denise was extremely sick and I needed to take her home. I immediately rushed to the bathroom she was in and was greeted by groans of pain from the other side of the door. Denise said to come in because she thought she was going to pass out. Two things to know about me in case you ever need me for a similar situation: 1) I don't do "poopy" smells well and 2) I have a gag reflex that is right on the verge of instant vomit at the sight and or smell of others bodily functions. No wonder I didn't enter the medical field.
So here I am, wife on the throne, crying in pain, threatening to pass out, wanting me to prop her up and all I want to do is heave. A real valiant support system, I know. After several bouts of gagging, I finally got things under control enough to lend a hand. Denise went from toilet to floor, toilet to floor, and on and on. At one point she was saying over and over, "I am going to pass out" and that is exactly what she did. For about five seconds she went completely limp. She came to and laid on the floor. I went to find some consecrated oil so I could give her a blessing. After the blessing she went and lay in bed as I arranged for a car to take her home. Prior to my arrival she had taken a few doses of Pepto and some Immodium and I was just praying it would kick in soon.
We finally got her loaded up in Steve Mousser's car and as he said "It's got brown leather seats so at least she won't ruin the interior." Thanks Steve, your bedside manner is as always, spot on. We headed out of LoMia about 7:30 and I determined that rather than drive all the way home, we would try and grab a hotel room in Payson. The Holiday Inn Express was open and I figured I got a free breakfast out of the deal so in I went. The gal at the counter probably thought I was a total psycho because I had no reservation, had no idea what the model of the car or the license plate was, and requested a room with rubber sheets (okay, that part is untrue). I got Denise to the room and she said she was going to take a bath while I ran to the store to get some Gatorade and crackers for her. She wanted the heat turned on because she was cold so I cranked it up. About 30 minutes later when I returned, I opened the door to the room and was greeted by a tropical blast of 95 degree, 100% humidity air. And there was Denise wrapped up in the sheets. Even she admitted it was a little on the warm side. Her stomach had settled down a bit so we got ready for bed and realized that I had left the saline for our contacts at the camp with Jesse. I got dressed again and went to the store again. When I got back she was asleep and had decided to just put a new pair of contacts in. Thank you very much.
After a good rest, we woke early in the morning and made the short drive back to LoMia so we could finish the conference with the youth. Great classes, good food, a small forest fire caused by unsupervised youth, hard working service project, and a long bus ride and we are back home. Please Denise, don't revel in the fact that things are back to normal again.
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